AngieAfternoon

check out my vodka fountain. was flowing all night thanks to my Russian homies.

2012-02-07T11:17:00.000-08:00

check out my vodka fountain. was flowing all night thanks to my Russian homies.

Job Seekers: Don't Apply Blindly

2011-12-02T12:38:00.000-08:00

I never thought that I would see the day when I would turn down what seemed like an awesome job opportunity; until recently. I have been on the job hunt for a few months now. Fortunately I am employed, so my situation is not as dire as most. I am a recent college graduate exploring career options within the marketing and communication industries. I am looking for positions involving marketing and/or communications coordination or management.

I was searching jobs on Careerbuilder.com, and found an available marketing position at a company called The NARS Group. The company is about ten minutes from my daughter’s school and fifteen minutes from home; which would cut my commute time down fifteen minutes. The duties of the role seem to fit my career direction, and I liked the fact that the role had growth potential. I applied to the position without hesitation, and received a call for an interview the very next day. I was such a fricken idiot for doing that. Had I taken the time to research the company before I applied, I would have known right away, that The NARS Group is not the company for me.

Now, if you are new to the job market, one thing to keep in mind before going on an interview is the need for thorough preparation. This involves researching the company’s goals and history, preparing a list of questions related to the company, and having mock dialogs with an imaginary interviewer in front of your mirror.

It was the research of the company that turned me off. Typically I zero in on the company’s history, achievements, and strategic plan. This helps me prepare to discuss how my skills and qualifications match the job description and the company’s overall goals. I couldn’t get to that point on the companies website because as soon as I clicked on the “About” tab, I read the following:

About The NARS Group

The NARS Group just expanded from a premier(e) , innovated marketing organization . (TO A WHAT?) Throughout out the organization there are sixteen additional locations nationwide with projected growth of 50% in size every year moving forward. We attribute this tremendous growth to 2 ideals. (IDEAS MAYBE?) The first is our innovative marketing and sales strategies. (WHAT ABOUT IT?) The second is our underlying value of caring for the security, growth, and well being of our employees.

After reading this typo fest, I continued on exploring. I clicked on the “PEOPLE” tab; I thought I was redirected to Facebook or something. There were photos of people parting with alcohol in their hands; some of the women were dressed in club wear, and the company seemed to be ran by a bunch of immature and unprofessional college grads. There were no captions on their collage of mess, so I had to wonder, “Is this the people of The NARS Group?”

After browsing this clearly unprofessional marketing firm, I was convinced that this was not the sort of company I wanted to represent. I called the HR person back and told her that I wanted to cancel the interview. I was hoping she would ask me why, which she did. I told her that after reviewing their company’s website, I was turned off by the amount of typos and unprofessional images on their site. I told her that I felt the site was not reflective of a professional marketing firm; hence I was no longer interested. She thanked me for my feedback and apologized for the site.

THE LESSON

Times are hard people. We all feel the pressure of the economy and the unstable job market. My advice, don’t sell yourself short. Something will come, but please remember, if you believe in your talents, and what you can offer an organization, never settle for lemons. Take the time to know research the companies that you are interested in before you click apply.

Combination Diva?

2011-11-17T08:06:00.000-08:00

Saulina explains what a "combination diva" is click here

Folllow Me on Twitter

2011-11-09T13:56:00.001-08:00

Follow @CreativelogicAC

The Talking Friend

2011-08-04T21:42:00.000-07:00

I have a friend that I love dearly. She is so awesome. She is always there when I need her. Any event that is important in my life, she is there playing the role of my lead cheerleader. If ever there was a definition of a real friend, she would be it.

Alas, every friend has their kink. Her's, she over talks. Oh my God, she over talks! I could be sharing something very important to her, or just telling her a story that happened to me, and she will find a way to over talk and spout at a hundred miles per hour. She is a really sweet girl, but I absolutely hate it when she does it. It makes me feel that she feels that her thoughts are more important then mine. I am a conversationalist, and if there is one thing that is never lacking in our friendship; it is conversation. I know that I can talk to her about anything, but getting it out is such a chore. I mean she will go on and one, non-stop. After she gets done ranting about this and that, I find myself lost at to what I was talking about to begin with. I want to tell her so bad about this habit. I am sure she is not even aware of it. It concerns me, because she is preparing for law school, and I can't imagine her taking that habit into the court room. I need to tell her, but I am not quite sure how. Any suggestions?

This has been a random rant, derive what you will.

It Will Happen, When I Am Ready

2011-08-03T21:03:00.000-07:00

As I write this blog, I am talking to a good friend of mine who is studying to become a priest. I love talking to him. I feel that I can open myself up freely, without any judgements. He gives me what I need, a spiritual sympathetic ear. My current plight is that I have been overly anxious. I am grateful for the things I have, but I find myself wanting more. I feel more then what I am right now. There is this never ending feeling in my stomach that just won't subside. I am talented. I am creative. I have the creative knack! Sorry reader, the exclamation point was a bit melodramatic. But I am sure you can relate to sitting at your desk, pushing paper, enduring unreasonable urgencies by people who should be enjoying the last good years of their lives. Overworked, so under paid even the Devil is shaking his head. All of this, and in the back of your mind you know, I am more than this. I can do more than this. When I look in the mirror these days, I hate what I see. A twenty-eight-year-old single mother, in a dead end job, with bills high to the sky. My creativity is in over-drive, which would be awesome if I had the time and mental space to actually finish a single project. I am distracted. I need a sponsor. Someone who believes in me enough to pay me for writing captivating stories, or screenplays. I know that rock bottom doesn't feel like this. After all, I still have the will to live and thrive and become successful. I just need a break. A real break. Not a Justin Bieber youtube break. I need a "Wow this girl comes up with the most amazing big screen audience worthy stories."

Even though I have been somewhat on the outs with religion, I am starting to feel the need for more spiritual connection. I went to worship this evening, but after sitting there for twenty minutes, I just couldn't stand it any more; so I left. I believe in God, but I don't believe that he has a plan for each individual on this earth. We are, who we are, and the things that we are dealing with are a result of a decision made by ourselves, or someone else. At twenty-eight, I would not have ever imagined that I would be ten years in a dead end job, a single mother dealing with a child with comprehension challenges, and her father, who is far beyond the scope of a normal semi-reasonable person. Who knew money could be so tight? At one time, I was doing alright staying afloat. Now, I am just sinking. I need a change. This is the vent I shared with Jon this evening. He listened with such consideration as I related the things above. He never interrupted me. When I was done, there was a silence. Just as I was about to break the ice with some sarcastic comment, he said to me, " God does have a plan for us. Maybe he is just waiting for us to be ready for it." His words struck me like a knife, and I dared not to interrupted him. He continued, " Think about the things that are going on in your life, wouldn't you want to handle those things before you take on the responsibility of fame?" I thought to myself, "Man, Jon is right. I am not ready. I have so many things in my life that are pending, I couldn't possibly be ready." Seriously, I have about nine stories that have not been fully conceptualized. I need to pick a project, and one by one get them done. By January 2012, I want to have at least three scripts completely written, edited, and ready for marketing. I need to get wiser with my money so that I can start filming some low budget shorts. I know what I need to do; now I have to get it done.

This has been a random rant, derive what you will.

Art Under The Influence Experiments 3 and 4

2011-07-15T22:26:00.000-07:00

My mood has gotten a lot lighter these days sense I discovered this new creative outlet. I don't really know what the images mean, but I am sure if I look at my life and really analyze them, I could find out. As an artist, I hate revisiting my work. I suppose there are psychological reasons for that.

If you entertain yourself to this blog, it is important to note that all of the photos that I have worked on and posted have been digitally modified for creative enhancement.

So let get to it!

Experiment 3 was actually very interesting. I was telling my friend Gene how I long to go on a long vacation. Nothing to worry about but my thoughts and writing them down. I guess you can say I am waiting for the right gig to entice me out of Michigan. I hate it here. I deserve a European lifestyle. I am not cut out for this being American thing. I need to be in the UK sharing my art with a society that thrives on the arts and creativity. Oh in another life I suppose, I will be a happy European speaking 4 languages fluently. I suppose these longings incited me to create the image below.

Experiment 4 is completely unexplainable. I saw the first image of the boy, than I saw the creature. I can't not say why my mind would create such an image. I you have any ideas about what my mind could be telling me, please feel free to share.

Art Under Influence

2011-07-13T10:47:00.000-07:00

Since I have been working on completing my documentary on artist who use psychoactive drugs in their creative process, I have been obsessed with the topic. The research on the topic is so subjective. My goal in the film is not to advocate the practice, but to understand what happens to the artist in their creative process which includes psychoactive drugs. I decided to experiment a bit with the idea.

I created this painting having no prior painting experience and being under the influence of a psycho-active drug. FYI, ethanol is a psychoactive drug, and it is contained in all alcoholic beverages. I did this painting as an experimental extension to my documentary on artist who use drugs in their creative process. I wanted to see what I would come up with if I attempted to paint. For those of you who know me, you know that my artistic niche is literary creative writing. I admire so many great painters, hence I would never own the craft as my own.

I purchased a presentation board and some craft paint from the Dollar Tree. After getting myself relaxed and putting on some music, I attempted to visualize an image. I knew what I was feeling and had been feeling, but I still had trouble putting those feelings into a meaningful image. I finally resorted to my psychoactive drug and within minutes, I could feel my head slowly weighing down. Light gave shape to dark. I started with the white figure depicted as Satan. At first he was dark and facing left, but from the white that still remained, I saw the white figure. I had already given the black image a face so I decided that the white image was Satan's form when he is in the presence of God. The black image which appears almost as a shadow would remain with his back turned to God. As God and the Devil battles for the earth and the sea of mankind, the depressed souls of humans continue to grow weary and submissive to the false realities of other men. It is constant. The girl seen at the first level of hell represents me. I linger with the weight of this life and since I have been blessed with a heightened sense of things, I feel them, sometimes I think like few others do. It is very taxing. I feel that God has heard my pleas and has felt my pain, and he has extended his voice to his adversary to release me from these burdens.

After the piece above, I wanted to give it another go. Using the same creative process, I came up with this semi-abstract piece. I was pleasantly surprised with the end result, because I could have never come up with this image alone. This experiment is very fascinating to me because I am not a skilled artist of this nature. Imagine what images an artist that does have the skill can come up with under a psychoactive drug. Again, I am not advocating the practice, I am just hoping that this helps art lovers and the judgmental understand why it is that drugs and the art community have been so immersed for so many centuries.

Tonight, after I get some supplies from somewhere other than my daughter's crayon box and bathroom and get some of my favorite wine White Merlot, I am going to create another piece. I'll post it tomorrow if it is profound enough to post.

Thanks for tuning in.

Me vs. Life

2011-07-13T10:20:00.000-07:00

I was just sitting down outside having my normal break from the office, when I realized, "this is my life." It could be worse granted, but it could be a whole lot better. I find myself wearing black a lot these days; by extension this is a stupid idea, because in Michigan right now it is hot as hades. I guess when you are three down from getting beat to a pulp by life, reason becomes a bit blurred. I understand my position I suppose, but I just can't accept it. I think lack of acceptance of my life is my biggest weapon. I know things can be different, and I know that I can be 100% content if not completely happy. I guess it is all about motivation and lately I have had none. I know I am a good mother and artist, I have been told so many times. It's all about motivation. Motivation to turn life's lemons into lemonade. I am cautiously optimistic that someday soon, I will be enjoying a nice cold glass of life lemonade. I am not defeated, just badly bruised. Who I am, is not what I am now. Misery, hardship, disappointment, and uncertainty will always be there, my humble advice, never lose site on who you are, where you want to be, and the will to get there.

Acceptance V Tolerance Campaign

2011-04-07T12:57:00.000-07:00

Acceptance V Tolerance is a campaign that I started on Facebook.com as an extension to my senior project. The goal of this campaign is to promote understanding of others through acceptance of their cultural, racial, sexual, religious, and other differences.

I am seeking 1000+ FB "Likes" on this page by May 1, 2011. Daily discussions are posted on the topic.

Today is Discussion 12: Discrimination sees no color, yet we tend to only think it targets only certain groups. Can you think of groups that we do not hear about much that has been discriminated? Is it fair to say even Whites have been discriminated against?

Leave a comment on the page, and be sure to encourage your friends to join the discussion and the movement.

Bridle Thy Tongue

2010-11-12T08:35:00.000-08:00

No matter how tight you may think you are with a person, you should never forget that they are imperfect, and at any given time, their imperfection could put you in an unfavorable position. I recently confided in someone that I thought I could trust. He is a nice person, but can be a bit pretentious. No only did he repeat my vents about a certain person to them, he used my name. WTF! Seriously! If I am going to be a traitor like that, and disclose confidential talk to someone, I would at least have sense enough not to use their name. What was so taxing about this situation, is that the person I was talking about is someone who has an authority over me in my student state. Further, the conversation that I has with my confidante, was already addressed by me and the other person. My confidante took it upon himself to bring the matter up to the other person as if it were new talk. He than came to me and told me what the other person said, not telling me that he initiated the dialog and used my name. So I am sitting in my office, he comes in and says, I talk to so and so and this is what they said about you. I was really pissed because honestly, I had not said anything about her, and I thought that our issues were under the rug. I sent her a very nasty email critizing her for her statements and candidly expressing my opinions about the program. She replied equally offended and wanted to talk about it. We finally talked about the situation and the truth came out.

I love my confidante like a father. I realize that maybe he was acting as a father on my behalf in confronting her about my issues, but they way in which he went about it was both wrong and caused much confusion. The lesson here is simple, sometimes things don't go the way you want. Complaining about them resolves nothing. Complaining about things to other people, trusting or not, causes bigger conflict and elevates the initial problem.

I know you feel it mommy, but don't say it. They are always listening and waiting to use their knife. Sometimes truth, doesn't have to always be spoken.

The love of my life!

2010-11-08T11:11:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, I don't love myself. I have an on going feeling of emptiness and insignificance. It is only when I see her sleep, or she smiles at me, or she does something bad and gives me a random, "I love you mommy", that I start to see the value of things...of me. The circumstance surrounding this gift is irrelevant. A gift is a gift. Having this gift, makes God more real to me. I never feel the need to question him on anything that weighs on my mind. Questions are obselete when she is around, I am full, not vacant.

Just having fun :)

2010-11-08T11:03:00.000-08:00

The Complexities of Saulina

2010-11-08T10:53:00.000-08:00

Title: The Complexities of Saulina
Model: Saulina, age 5
Photo by: Angie Afternoon

Adults rant and rave about how overwhelming life is. We tend to minimize the plight of the young, rationalizing that there is no justice in them feeling overwhelmed. Some may reason, "what are you sad for, you don't have to go to work, pay bills, worry about this and that." This thinking is quite selfish. Children are as equally overwhlemed as adults. Since my daughter started kindergarden, her energy has declined. Just like me sitting in an office all day drains me, sitting in a school for 7 hours drains her. Bedtime is no issue now in my house. When 8:00pm hits, Saulina is volunteering to go to sleep. Additionally, Saulina is a product of divorce parents. Her father and I seperated before she turned one year old; hence she has no cognition of ever living with her both parents under the same roof. This does not negate the fact that now, she is curious as to why mommy doesn't want to be with daddy and so forth. Reinforcing both are love for her is comforting, however that isn't enough for a curious kid. She revisits the question now and than, perhaps hoping that it will change. Unfortunately for her, it will never ever ever ever ever change, hence reinforcing love and her father's and my willingness to work together for her will be ongoing. Saulina and I were playing dress-up, which is one of her favorite games, and I decided to capture my beautiful daughter in her model mode. She is beautiful and I am proud to say a true reflection of me. She is diverse, curious, and willing to take risk. She has a lot of fight in her and this is a quality that I hope she carries for a long time. Children are more complex than we give them credit for. I talk with Saulina about her feelings and make sure that my ear is always hers. This photo, in my opinion, captures the true complexities of a child. What is more amazing is that I did not have to aid Saulina into posing like this. She did it sporadically, letting me know, that even she can be mentally weighed.

Randummies Rant 7: Hitler Comes Back as a Black Baby

2010-06-02T08:59:00.001-07:00

Randummies Rant 5: Huggies and the Pedophile Jeans

2010-06-02T08:59:00.000-07:00

Randummies Rant 8: Out of Habitat = Death

2010-06-02T08:58:00.000-07:00

Fat Seems to be the Easier Way

2010-05-20T14:05:00.000-07:00

I have been on this diet since Sunday and I have to tell ya, it sucks! I am eating 6 small meals a day and drinking a sea full of water. I don't know if my body is ridding itself of built up toxins or what, but I feel sick and annoyed. I know it will get better as my body transitions fully to this new way of eating, but my goodness when will it?

It seems that being fat is the easier way to go sometimes. You can sit back and just eat what you what with no worries. It's like a weird mental coin toss, (heads) I get a date and feel great about myself, (tails) I eat what I want and be a fat slob loathing psychically fit people.

I think once I get past a full week of this torture things will get better. I just need to stick with it. Week 1 is almost at a wraps and honestly I can feel a little weight loss. Sunday is weigh in day. My goal for the week is 7 lbs.

Even if I don't lose that, some weight loss is better than none and I will keep it going. I have to keep reminding myself, " I am a cut girl and extra weight takes away from that."

Thanks to my mum and my friend Angel for keeping me motivated. I think by July I will be something HOT to look at. By August...OMG. Yeah I can do this.

Thanks for reading my random vent.

Randummies Rant 2: Lord of the Rings: The Bromance and the nonsensical parts

2010-05-20T13:27:00.001-07:00

Randummies Rant 1: Dress for Success or get Slapped by a Thousand Dwarfs

2010-05-20T13:26:00.001-07:00

Randummies!

2010-05-17T12:49:00.000-07:00

70's moment...FAR OUT MAN!

Just Goofing Off

How could anyone say "no!" to faces like these...HAHA!

The Visiual Memoirs of a Dark Caterpillar: Final Short Film

2010-05-17T12:43:00.000-07:00

The Visual Memoirs of a Dark Caterpillar takes its audience through the psychological phases of a woman tormented by a troubling childhood. This film contrasts her evolution with that of the unique evolution of a caterpillar. The intensity and imagery of this film will capture the audience and have them anticipating the outcome.

This is a pretty loaded 5 minute film. I hope you all enjoy.

Crappy Week Blog 1

2010-05-17T12:33:00.000-07:00

Feedback is welcome

ROUGH CUT: The Visual Memoirs of a Dark Caterpillar

2010-05-10T12:23:00.000-07:00

This is the rough cut of my short film "The Visual Memoirs of a Dark Caterpillar". This movie explores the psychological state of a woman tormented by a troubling past. A violent incident leaves her changed. The movie contrast her change with that of the evolution of a caterpillar. The intensity of this short film will leave the audience antcipating the outcome.

Feedback is welcome on this rough cut.

Weighed

2010-04-01T08:50:00.000-07:00

I am suffering from mental complexity it seems. I just feel too overwhelmed. Is life suppose to be this burdensome? Is there no absolution from this plight. Again...so the antheum of my life goes "It is all self inflicted." I compromise myself each day for the approval of others. To fit into their order. I feel a silent revolt stirring in my mind. I am becoming consumed with the rebellious spirt. I can't control it and even if I could, I wouldn't. This world deserves madness for the weighty things that it imposes upon the weak and dying flesh of its occupants. I hate this feeling. I have just gone on another rant. Derive what you will.

Angie Afternoon

Disappointed Much...Don't Be.

2010-03-29T12:24:00.000-07:00

I do not understand why people in this life waste their time pondering over why people are the way they are. I have watched people in their final hour go from sane to insane. We are all dying flesh and because of this, it is human nature to be mentally defected; after all parts of us are dying every second. Do you have high expectations of bacteria? Of course not. It is simply nonsensical to waste time being disappointed in something that will inevitably cause you pain either by death or deed. Each generation of man is more defected than the previous. We continue to allow the mass media to pervert our children's minds with their propaganda and moral decay because we are too self absorbed and lazy to instill morality in them, they are becoming accepting perverted zombies. How can we scold or rebuke something in which we have enabled? Let's look at one another realistically.

Moments

2010-03-25T09:15:00.000-07:00

I love our chill nights
Surrounded by candlelight
Smitten by sight
Sigh....inhale...forget the fight
Falter...it is ok
Transition to technicolor from grey

-Angelina Card

What is the Sense of This?

2010-02-11T14:27:00.000-08:00

I am not one to diss anyone's religious convictions, but what the heck man? Why would these people think this is a kodak moment? Perhaps I have the wrong perspective; but I think this type of mess should be out-lawed in America. If I go to their country, I am told to cover up and I can not wear this or that. But they they come here and they want to wear this crap? C'mon. They all look like hitmen to me. I can imagine trying to identify these men/and or women.

Witness: I saw the gunman run away heading north on Jihad Lane.

FBI Agent: Did you get a look at his face?

Witness: Naw, he was wearing one of those KKK thingies but it was black.

FBI Agent: Thanks Sir ***Agent Radios Field Agents*** We are looking for a black man dressed like a woman. Always blaming the brothas for something LOL. My point is this is a stupid photo. I can imagine what this family's scrap book look like, everyone looks like ninjas!

Still Frame Fronts

2010-01-25T21:16:00.000-08:00

We do not know what sadness hides behind even the brightest of smiles. The manipulation of the the still frames. They project what the fickle mind wants to believe is true. Here I seem alive and vibrant. Here life seems to offer up contentment at the least. What else could merit such a reaction? Still frames are what they are. They capture what ever we want them to capture true or false. What appears to be alive could really be dead. I suppose that is why I laugh when people try to pretend to be happy in their facebook photos. Some may be envious of these collages of lies, but not me. I have witnessed the reality of people like that. I have seen them post their fronts on social platforms, and drink their vexations away right after. To see someone happy in a picture doesn't really mean that they live a happy life. They could be burdened by many vexations that the still frame has no will to expose. We are suppose to be happy in these frames. What people do not realize is that still frames are very manipulating. Perhaps the people in those photos have no concern for the main subject at all. Perhaps they do not even know them. Perhaps the still frame was posted to appear valid outwardly while at the same time being vacant and neglected inside. With still frames we are only privy to the surface, what lies beneath can be quite alarming. To understand any form of art is to know the history of the subject and the artist capturing the still. Without this information, we are merely subjects to still frame fronts.

This has been a random rant, derive what you will!

Mental Chaos: First Level

2010-01-21T20:01:00.000-08:00

This is my first crack at video editing. Hope you like it!

Elastic Mess

2010-01-21T19:56:00.000-08:00

Once again I find myself bombarded with a plethora of responsibilities. All of which are self-imposed. Why do I continue to do this to myself? I know! Perhaps in the broad scheme of things I am hoping that all of my efforts will bare fruit someday soon. I rationalize that the physical exhaulstion that I feel each and every day is for the over all benefit of Saulina and me. Lately, I have questioned this rationale. To become great, one must take risk, make sacrifices, but in the end, when they are on top, how good does the fruit really taste? Considering the growing trend of drug abuse among Hollywood stars, I would say it is bitter sweet.

I think at the end of the day, I just want to provide a haven of peace and secuirty for Lina and me amidst a chaotic world. Secuirty these days is not cheap. The more money you have, the more likely you can increase your security. I am working for a good cause, however I feel I have become casualty of my agenda. I don't enjoy life. I work full time, go to school full time, and I give Saulina the remains of my time each day. It is not fair to her at all. I feel so overwhelemed. I feel that I exert myself for everyone and everything but me.

I suppose that is my fault as well. I walk through life assuming I have no one, that way I can never be disappointed, because I expect nothing from no one. I have a really good support system of friends and my mom is good for helping me when I submit to be her slave. It is taxing. All I know is that today I am fricken stressed. I wish I could just thrown in the towel and say "bump it, I need peace." I am not a rubber band, I am a human being. I can stretch myself only so thin and than I break. I think I am breaking today.

My Fish Marvin: Refuses To Die

2010-01-13T10:41:00.000-08:00

My Fish Marvin Refuses To Die

By Angelina Card

I woke up this morning to a bang! My daughter Saulina ran into my room and jumped on my bed. She has a guilty stare in her eyes. I sleepily asked her about the noise, in which answered, "It was nothing mommy." I was still waking up from a broken sleep. She sat on my bed with a "I did something very wrong" look on her face. She told me that she was wet. Since she never has "accidents" I ask her why she was wet in which she replied, "Nothing mommy." I laid in the bed still trying to wake up but thinking about the noise. I look over at her and she was staring out into space with a nervous look. (LMAO as I am typing). I ask her what was wrong, in which she replied, "Nothing." At that point I was really thinking. About 5 minutes passed since I had heard the noice. Suddenly Marvin the fish came to mind. I asked, "Saulina, where is Marvin?" She replied with an almost crying voice, "Nothing." I jumped out of the bed and rushed towards the living room where Marvin's tank was located. As I headed to the living room, I saw Marvin's food spilled on the floor near the kitchen. I went to the computer desk where his tank stays and found the tank on the floor with water everywhere. I couldn't see poor Marvin at first because he fell in the box where I keep my camera cleaning stuff. He laid there still. I thought the poor thing was dead. I felt so bad for the little guy that he had to go out like that. He must have recognized me and refused to let death defeat him, because he started flapping and jumping frantically. He flapped so much that he popped out of the little box and onto the carpet. I hurried to the bathroom to put some close to room temp water in his tank. I grabbed a spoon to get him. He flapped frantically and it was difficult to get him at first. Finally I was able to return him to water.

I was so upset with Saulina I could not even talk. There was fish tank water all over my papers, books, and camera stuff. The whole area smelled like fish water. I got Marvin's tank together and put some food in it to calm him down. Normally he would attack his food, but this time he swan to it and than swam away. It was almost like he was saying, "I am not hungry, I have to re-evaluate some things in my fish life right now." He swam to the bottom of the tank as if he wanted to be alone. He turned his back on me so I figured he just needed space. I guess I couldn't blame the poor fella. I mean if I saw my whole life flash before my very eyes, I wouldn't feel very social either. I didn't yell at Saulina. I am sure it was not her agenda to harm Marvin. I did however explain to her that (1) "Telling mommy lies is not nice", (2) "Marvin lives in water and can not survive without it", and (3) she really made Marvin feel afraid. She was concerned about Marvin and I could tell she felt afraid and bad about what she did.

I have a general respect for all beings; human, animal, and other. But deep respect is something from me that is earned. Marvin the beta fish has my respect. He has proven he is resilient and that he can survive any obstacle.

I can recall when I first got him about a month and a half ago. After about 2 weeks after I got him, I wanted to get rid of him. I was sick of smelling and cleaning his tank. I decided to flush him down the toilet. My plan was to flush his food down with him so that he would have plenty of food to survive on, on his way to the Detroit River or where ever he would end. As the water from his tank spilled into the toilet, Marvin looked at me frantically with his little fish eyes like,"Please, don't do it!" And I couldn't. I cleaned his tank resistant, fed him, and went on my way. I was talking to a friend about my dillema and she mentioned that as a kid, she would always unintentionally kill her fish by over feeding them. She said that fish do not have the mental capacity to stop eating when they are full. I decided to put a whole bunch of fish food in his tank in the morning. I was sure that when I returned home that late evening, he would be dead. I figured, there is no better way to check out of life than after a good meal! Alas, my efforts were futile, for he did no die that day nor the days to come. I waited a few days, but the smell of his tank was taxing and I emptied it out, and once again cleaned it. I thought to myself, "What an idiot my friend is. This fish didn't over eat at all and he is still ticking!" Christmas break came around, and Saulina and I were set to go to South Bend, Indiana to visit some family for a few days. A 3 days trip turned into a week and a half. As I was driving home, I thought to myself, "Marvin must be dead. It has been a week and a half without eating." To my utter amazement, when we got home that night, Marvin was still alive. He was flapping his hungry little fish fins, like, "Hello jerks! What’s the ETA on the chow?" I fed him his food and realized that there is no killing Marvin. I actually formulated a new found respect for him. I started talking to the little fella and he seems very happy to see me when I approached his tank. I suppose that is why my heart sank when I saw him lying there suffering for water today.

Many fish just give up on life, but not Marvin. I suppose that Marvin’s ordeal can apply to humans. At times we have forces both intentional and unintentional that may make our lives miserable. How we handle those obstacles can be altering for both ourselves and our oppressors. I was Marvin intentional oppressor and Saulina is his unintentional oppressor. His fight to live has given me a new perspective on even the simplest and seemingly expendable life forms. I feel as though an albatross has been lifted from my neck because I now know that any and everything that has a pulse and that is living deserves to live. It is not the responsibility or the right of any living thing to rob another of its will and right to live for frivolous reasons. Killing swams of insects that infiltrated one's home is one thing; there are health risk involved with that, but killing animals and people for the sake of sport and undefined or blurry governmental agenda is nonsensical and evil, and those engaging in such behaviors deserve death.

As a college student, I find that many of the valuable lessons I have learned about life have not been taught in a class room; but rather just by living life. Wisdom is not always found in a class room nor a man with grey hair. Knowledge is all around us. We need only stop and make sense of it. Sometimes our professors, as Ms. Keisha Watkins so appropriately mentioned, can be found in a fish tank instead of a classroom.

This is my little blurb today about my awesometastic fish Marvin, who refuses to die, derive what you will.

Why Do These Men Date?

2010-01-09T08:06:00.000-08:00

LOL... I think I have an invisible sign on my forehead that says, "Welcome all lame broken losers. It's cool if you have a rare blood illness and/or skin disease. What's that...you are a convict, cool! You are totally going places. No car? Who cares, cars are overrated. I mean seriously who drives a car in the Motor City anyway? Oh you live with your parents over 30? Steller, I'll pick you up and we can hang out at my place just like in high school. No job you say...it’s cool, 13% of Michigan’s population are without employment; however most of them were laid off and are eligible for unemployment benefits. Not going anywhere in your life? That’s, cool I am...perhaps I will take care of your effortless butt and let you drag me down with your pathetic pity trips."

Honestly man! Why the heck do these men have the audacity to be on the dating scene? Worse yet why are they shooting after the women that actually got their stuff together? My guess; they are looking for someone to take care of their lazy behinds. I am so sick of men like this trying to approach. If I am spelling out the things I am working towards, why not make a logical assessment that we are in no way congruent. On top of my ambitions, I have a little girl that is counting on me to make good decisions in every aspect of my life. Just because I am a single mom, doesn't mean I am desperate for just any ole lame thang that shows me attention. I have reasonable high standards and I refuse to compromise them for a lame. I would rather be alone for the rest of my life before I subject myself and my child to some broken losers who cannot bring equity towards the quality of our lives.

Now let me be clear on one thing, there is nothing wrong with a grown man moving back in with his parents. We are living in some tough financial times, but dude you better be fronting something on those bills. You better be doing chores and earning your keep. Don't just be with mom and pops and you not contributing nothing towards the house hold man.

I don't care how much you want to have companionship, don't ever short change yourself. The H1N1 virus isn't the only epidemic in Detroit right now. I wish there were a vaccine for LBLCC (Lame Broken Loser Convict Clingers). I need one if there is. This rant can apply to women as well, because there are a lot of females out there who have no ambition at all. They simply date to find someone to take care of them. I think this is rather sad and another reason why in the end socialism is a failed system.

How does this relate to socialism? When parents foster their children’s irresponsible behaviors by bailing them out of every stupid situation they get themselves in, they are in fact enabling them to do more stupid stuff. That child knows that no matter what they do their parents will always be there to help. Socialism is the same way. It enables people to be dependent on the government hence fostering laziness. Don’t get me wrong I believe in a level of social responsibility for those truly in need like the elderly and the disabled, but lazy welfare moms with no ambition nor intention to get out of the system, no way. Why should even a small fraction of my money go towards those bums. If the government wants to help these people, they have to start with their mindset; pushing these people to be innovators and contributors to society. I think if parents and the government have to realize that bailing out is not the solution. They have to allow their children/subjects, to become victim of their poor choices. The bottom-line, Bush wasn’t the only one that put America in this recession. He spent a lot of money on defense and Americans spent a lot of money on things they could not afford or needed. At some point there has to be some consumer responsibility. Just like if you are a LBLCC, not getting the women that you want, is the recourse of your failing to be the type of man that she needs. I mean seriously if I wanted another child I would adopt someone in the toddler age group not a 30 something years old man. Just because my name is Angelina, doesn't mean I am a Jolie. I would rather adopt a child that can relate to me just a little bit. That's a whole other rant. I don't know why all these Hollywood starts are adopting all these black babies from Africa. This is by far the celebrity trend since the Kabala bracelet/worship. So funny how people in hollywood are not Kabalaites anymore. How skewed can this world be.

Ok I just went on a rant about these and that. Derive what you will.

Saulina: I am a Kitty Cat

2010-01-02T20:03:00.000-08:00

Mom Arraigned in Hospital for Deaths of 2 Kids || WXYZ.com | WXYZ-TV / Detroit | Detroit News, Weather, Sports and More

2009-10-14T20:13:00.001-07:00

Mom Arraigned in Hospital for Deaths of 2 Kids || WXYZ.com | WXYZ-TV / Detroit | Detroit News, Weather, Sports and More

Posted using ShareThis

The face is the Surface

2009-10-13T09:54:00.000-07:00

If by chance the light gives me grace; than perhaps I would incline myself to change the words to this face. I am confined in time and unsettled thoughts of the imfanous "why?" I feel a change for the better. Only a change of will can give release from this mental teather.

National Poet Day!

2009-10-08T10:53:00.000-07:00

Happy National Poets Day!!!!!!

If this life is a dream

Than I live in a nightmare

If love incites emotions

Than I am consumed in fear

If trust gives freedom

Than why have I cried bondaged tears

If life is so worth living

Than why do I constantly question why I am here

Curiosity Makes It All Futile

2009-10-07T12:57:00.000-07:00

When I travel to different places, I like to find local art museums in the area. I am a museum nerd. I love analyzing paintings and photographs to gauge the motive of the artist. When I run across an image online of interest, I typically do the same. I have a fascination with death and the conditions of dead bodies. I admit to doing searches on decayed corpses, autopsies, and cremations. I just find that sort of thing fascinating. My mental disposition during these searches is not to make a mockery of the individual, but to analyze their condition. I have never circulated morbid photos that I have found on the internet and never will. I respect the fact that other people may not be able to stomach such things and that the images that I view are of human beings. Additionally, I look at those photos for science, not for kicks; as some people do.

Today in class we discussed the topic of privacy and the internet. We covered a News Week article about a young girl who tragically died in a horrific car accident. Photos were taken by Highway Patrol officers and later leaked on the internet. The parents of the girl sought to inform readers about an ongoing lawsuit about privacy on the internet. In the article, the readers are asked not to look up the photos online.

Not to be insensitive, but telling readers not to look at a controversial photo is like telling someone not to press the red button; or trying to convince a cat not to be curious. Most people do what they are implored not to do because of curiosity. Upon reading the article, I was curious to see what Google would pop up about the photos. Before I could even type the girl’s full first name it popped up in my search box. As more commentary about the article ensued in class I became curious to see what the images looked like. The images were easy to locate on the web. When I looked at the photos, I was not shocked at what I saw. A Porsche going 100 miles per hour and crashing would render that type of result. Had I not known the story behind the photo, I would have been unmoved by the image. I would not have wondered about who the person was; rather I would have been more interested in the condition of the body.

We are a curious society. We want to be informed. Different people desire different levels of information. There are some who Google these types of photos simply out of curiosity, there are some who Google them for mockery and malicious intent, and for people like me, it's a matter of scientific astonishment. I feel sorry for the family. I hope that some day they can come to terms with this tragedy. I think they are in their emotional right to try to preserve a less gruesome image of their daughter; however I feel they are fighting a battle that is futile.

People who are curious will still find a way to retrieve and circulate desired information. This family has to realize that the information leaked wasn’t leaked in some small town neighborhood new letter. The information was leaked on the biggest information spear created and uncontrolled by man. Even if a law passed in their favor, it will still not put a stop to the chaos of the internet.

When I look at images online, I have no connection to the person that I am viewing. I look at the morbid images for scientific astonishment only. No, I am not a scientist, but I do have an interest in such things. The internet is a large spear of information and unfortunately, it is beyond governmental policy. The only way the government can control what is shared online is if they controlled the internet itself. Governmental control of the internet would mean that the government would control its users. The users are you, me, and the rest of the world. Our new reality is that the internet encompasses everything we are. It is much larger than a graphic photo portraying the untimely and unsightly death of a young beautiful girl.

Facebook Privacy

2009-10-06T14:19:00.000-07:00

It's Friday, and you are ready to drink to your survival of the hectic work and school week. You drink and drink and drink until you feel dizzy. Too many Jamesons with lime put you in another dimension. You get so wasted you black out in a pool of your own vomit. Instead of helping you out of your drunken slump; your so-called buddies take pictures of you. Worse than taking the pictures, your buddies decide to tag you in the photos of your on facebook; for all of your friends and family contacts to see. Your friends decide not to tell you about the photos. You go to school Monday morning to a crowd of people talking about your drunken photos. Your real friend informs you that you were tagged in some pretty terrible photos. After seeing the photos and knowing whom all else saw them, you are full of anger and embarrassment.

Disclaimer: This photo was not taken by this blogger and is only cited to validate the views of this blog.

How could this have been avoided?

Allfacebook.com published an article titled "10 Privacy Settings Every Facebook User Should Know". This article provides practical tips to facebook users on how to protect themselves from unwanted access to their page, unwanted photo and video tagging, and more. I encouraged all of you to consider the article and protect yourselves.

The article concluded saying, "The best way to prevent embarrassing items from showing up on Facebook in the future is to not make bad judgments in your personal life. We’re all human though and being completely paranoid about every choice you make is probably not the best way to live your life. Be aware of what privacy settings are available and be conscious of what your friends may be publishing about you.

While you may not want to configure all of the privacy settings outlined, simply knowing how to do so is a great step in the right direction. By following the 10 settings listed above you are well on your way to an embarrassment free future on Facebook!" (O'Neil, 2009)

Work Cited

O'Neil, Nick. February 2, 2009. "10 Privacy Settings Every Facebook User Should Know". Retrieved October 6, 2009, from AllFacebook.com Web site: http://www.allfacebook.com/2009/02/facebook-privacy/#

Mental Chaos

2009-10-05T21:41:00.000-07:00

My mind confined with swarming thoughts
Lke a ghost they float above the center of my crown
I am not royal, yet they are loyal to their mission to taunt me
I hate them! I despise them! I...I need them.
I need them to know and understand
I am weak and weighed by they which have not revealed
How could I actually construct a significant peace
When my mind is consumed with chaos?
To lose a thought, I lose my peace
Even when I lay my soul to rest
This chaos will not sleep

Shadow Work By Me and Amar Patel

2009-10-05T19:19:00.000-07:00

Agony in the Inferno By Angelina Card and Amar Patel

Amar is the figure shown in this photo. He is standing in front of the shadow of the window blinds in my apartment. The candle light with the flash gives the illusion he is buring . He positions his hands to reflect the despair of the figure. I thought this was really cool.

The Trapped Angel By Angelina Card

This is actually a V8 bottle with a CD spindle holder on top of it. It If you look closely you will see an angel with a halo. The light gives an angelic illumination. This is not a spiritual piece to me, however my readers may appreciate for its spiritual value.

Still Life's Shadow By Angelina Card

Congrats to RIO

2009-10-02T11:47:00.000-07:00

CONGRATS TO RIO FOR WINNING THE 2016 SUMMER OLYMPICS!

PLEASE REMEMBER USA...

THE OLYMPICS IS A WORLD EVENT!!!

Inspirational Friday: This I believe

2009-10-02T08:12:00.000-07:00

NPR owns a segment called "This I believe." The ideal behind the segment is to feature a viewer's essay on a core value they have that may influence other listeners.

Following that idea, this blog will have an inspiration Friday. An inspiration piece of art or writing will be features the first Friday of each month. This art may be my own or featured artist.

This I Believe:

By Angelina Card

This I believe, that I was put on this earth to touch lives. To leave impressions of my existence embedded on the minds and perhaps even the hearts of those I encounter. Whether the impression is positive or negative, my goal is to be simply remembered. I admire the Roman civilization. This was a group of people who lived by a code, that dying with a good name is the best pride any man or woman could have. These people left their mark on history and they are one of the few civilizations that still have a presence in modern society.

When I die, I want to have the same legacy. Years after I expire, people will continue to talk about me and tell stories about me to their children. The rendition of the story is of no importance, it is simply telling the story. My conviction for this belief was strengthened earlier this year. My family and I had the burden of burying four close family members.

Three of the four members lost, had large turn outs at their funerals. The mourners spoke very well of their character. They were able to laugh while sorrowed because that person left a good impression on them that would never die. People were sharing experiences of moments with the deceased and sad occasions turned into celebrations of simply having the privilege of knowing those people. The last funeral I attended was my uncle’s. There were very few people who attended the ceremony and many who did attend, did so out of compulsion. They were not there to pay respects to him. They were there out of sheer obligation. His children whom he abandoned seem to look upon his lifeless body with distain. My uncle was a good person in nature, but his deeds and his interactions with others were not congruent with his nature and thus when he died, people were not impressed. There was no celebration of his life; there was no privilege in knowing him.

During one of the funerals, the minister who gave the eulogy said in his sermon, that funerals are a means to mourn but also an opportunity to reflect on our own lives. As I stared at my uncle’s lifeless body I began to wonder, if I died, what would people say about me? Would they attend my funeral to pay respects and reminisce on the privilege it was to know me, or would they simply come out of obligation gazing upon my lifeless body with distain or possible indifference?

I have always had a Romanist determination to impact lives; however the four funerals taught me the gravity of that belief. I saw it, and I felt it and it convinced me that from moments on everyone will know, that I am Angelina, and I am here to impress. I believe that to my last breath I will always have this pride, that when my flesh returns to the dust, large fragments of my existence will remain. It not a spirit, but a memory. Everyone I meet will have a piece of me tattooed in their minds and for some their hearts. They will never forget my name, and even if their memory fails them, my face will be in their minds still framed. I am certain that my death will be far more significant than my birth. This I believe.

Subtle Bigotries Still in America

2009-10-01T14:25:00.000-07:00

I don't care how much diversity is being slang at people; the bottom-line is that people can not be forced to diversify. Racism is here to stay. SO WHAT we have a black president. Real talk, when it comes to saving money, people will elect any one promising it. My friend and I had a discussion about racism a few months back. He is a white male; and as you all probably guessed by now I am black. He seems to think that racism is a thing of the past. LOL! How naive is that? This is coming from an individual that glorifies the negative aspects of Black American culture. For some reason, he always talks to me with a fake accent in a thuggish like tone. First off, if you grew up in Waterford, MI, Orton Ville, MI, or Clarkston, MI; I must apologies; you will never be thug, gangstah, ghetto, or anything else on those lines. Real thugs live in Highland Park, MI. I bet money you wouldn’t last 3 minutes after 5pm in HP.

I digressed. My friend seems to think we all (Black people that is) have an affinity for improper English (who speaks proper English in America anyway?). He always talks Ebonics to me as if I can relate. I grew up in the suburbs homie, my slang is limited. You got me homie G whoadie Dawg (hearing me say it is worse than reading it). Look I am not a slave (maybe to madness or chaos but not the white man of America), so I don't need to communicate in secrete code. “Ebonics is the language of Blacks” says Rev. Jeremiah Wright. Here's my issue with that; if an Eastern Indian chooses to come to America and live, than they must learn the standards of the society; and so does everyone else. I just hate the idea of separation. Like if Ebonics is the language of Blacks, than shouldn’t Blacks be called Ebonian? And shouldn’t we be from Ebona? Come on people, English is the standard language of the world. It is the primary language in America. If you live in America, than you have to conform to American standard of language. Side note, for all of you so-called African Kenta cloth back to my roots people, why aren’t you back in Africa? And to all of my holocaust decendent victims of Nazi Germany, why aren’t you back in Israel? I am sick of Jews and Blacks thinking that people owe them something. If you didn’t get flogged or gassed in a chamber, than you should not be expecting any reparations. Ok...maybe I am being to harsh with that. I would say blacks raised in 1970 and up deserve no reparations. The Jews...well....Bottomline...Blacks don’t have to be in America and Jews don’t have to be in Germany. Go back to your so-called motherland! What... are you to good to go back there you spoiled American? No one owes you anything. The Native Americans deserve reparation if anyone should get them. The fricken crook Christopher Columbus ran them from their home. I can’t believe there is a holiday for a crook. Since when is it okay to celebrate thieves? To my illegal aliens, yes the illegal Mexicans (This is not a jab at legal naturalized Mexicans and or/ immigrants with Visas), if you are going to break into America, could you please do American tax payers a prop and get a vasectomy/hysterectomy. Your procreation rates are ridiculous and you expect us to pay for your children. I don’t work hard to help raise my child and little Maria Countessa Rodriguez. I am not a bigot; I find qualms in every race; including my own. I just think that people need to stop perceiving this world namely this country as diversely progressive. Only in America do we think in black and white. Europeans tend to hate other countries because they feel their country is superior to their European neighboring country. That’s cool. Michiganders feel the same about Canada. That beef is like high school football beef. Its trivial!

Racist people are individuals who feel that their race is superior to others. Out of that superior train of thought, stereotypes are born. People manifest their bigotry in different ways. For example one of my Jewish professors was having a bad day. She came into the classroom and said, "I swear the Germans are after me today because I just can't get it together." Other people choose to be bigots in their politics; rationalizing that 233 years old America is just not ready for a black president. My bigotry is with cotton candy. I am not an oppressed black person, however I think it is racist. I think it was created to keep that black man picking cotton. Yes, I know white people eat it too. Its just something about black people eating it that remindes me of slavery. I think it is more of a funny thought than anything. I am very much against cotton candy. I won't even let my little one eat it. When I see little black kids eating it, I nod my head in disapproval, if only they knew how oppressive that treat is. Than there are corporate bigotries like the picture below…

Thanks Chris "Top Chef" for sending me this funny yet offensive photo. Apparently this racist product is being sold in South Eastern states at Costco. Of course Toys R Us wouldn't sell this, they actually have scruples.

Bottom-line, America is getting better on the race front. Now and the 60's are almost night and dawn. Americans still need to transform their minds. Racism is here to stay because innately we all have a feeling of being superior. Let's work on it people. Stop being tolerant and start being accepting. Within all of us is a hidden bigot. I am not advocating bigotry, I am simply doing what an AA counselor would do; encouraging you to admit and confront the bigot in you.

Social Media...Just A Fad?

2009-09-30T10:40:00.000-07:00

Since I have been enrolled in my social media class, I have been exposed to a lot of interesting ideas on social networking. I suppose my social networking started by becoming a member of online communities such as Blackplanet.com and MiGente.com. I enjoy meeting new people and sharing my art with them. I never thought in a million years that social networking would be the new way to communicate. Stupid me, 15 years ago the buzz was that the internet would be the wave of the future. This has certainly become true as social networking is the number one internet activity. A classmate shared this video in class and I thought I would share it with you.

To get more information about the video please refer to socialnomics.net.

Poem of the Day: Audio Life

2009-09-30T10:16:00.000-07:00

By Angelina Card

This audio life

What have we done with it?

It’s so darn intrinsic, to everything we are

We harbor the pain

We turn up the volume

Make love in the bath room

To the sound of Purple Rain

This audio life

We are living to loud

Are these shouts of the proud, and frustrated?

What happened to quiet?

What happened to silence?

It’s all been replaced by radio waves

This audio life

The soundtrack of our tragedies

Where is our sagacity, from all of these things?

When we are feeling so empty

We turn up the bass

To obscene tranquilities

From radio space

Disclaimer: As awsometastic as the photos included in this blog are, I take no credit for then!

Ode to Jeff Buckly

2009-09-30T09:32:00.000-07:00

This is an awsome clip. Thanks Chris ...Top Chef

Still Frame He

2009-09-25T10:24:00.000-07:00

Photo by Peter Xavier Price

By Angelina D. Card

From a mile away, I gazed as he lay.
Lifeless in nature and saturated in prolong decay.
I didn’t know him, I only knew of him

The funeral director gave me an obituary as I walked in the room.

As I looked at the smiling image I became weary.

This person is lifeless and no longer smiling

Time freezes with a flash, but those moments alive can never come back

The frames reminds the world of what he use to be

Alas the image is imprisoned by time, the enemy.

What is tangible is intangible

Because the face in still frames is the same as the face lain

It is life less.

It is hard to concieve that this image once could breath

And now There is no force actuating its mind
A video played beyond the oak in which he layed
Clips of him laughing whimsical and free
The video was taken a year before he died; he was 33
Tears from his loved ones envying the frames
Although he is in motion, it is not the same
And the sense of their action is all in vein
Their tears won't bring him back, they can't bring him back
As his body is admitted to the ground
Silent wimpers become loud
In that moment all come to term
From what of a still frame can be learned

Mental Weight

2009-09-24T09:43:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer: This blogger takes no credit for the above photo. Photo was taken from http://www.francella.net/aboutfrancella.html

Today I feel blah. My mind feels weight down with thoughts undefined. These thoughts swarm around my head; visible just enough to confirm their presence. Sometimes I feel I am a prisoner of my own mind. I can not bring myself to wish I could stop thinking...because death may be the fruitage of that request. As much as I hate this restlessness I, fear the final resting place. I feel as though I am facing a dark alley. The danger is undefined but my fear confirms it is there. I feel ...heavy.

Feature Artist: Crystalrose

2009-09-23T13:28:00.000-07:00

This following is a poem from a former peer from high school. She is smart, beautiful, a talented writer, and a wonderful mother. I hope to feature more of her work on the blog in the future. Look out for Crystal Rose.

Excuse Me Hov...

2009-09-22T08:48:00.000-07:00

If you are going to subject the recessed public to Rhianna's dying banshee voice, could you please give her a less voice intense hook? My goodness, I thought the feeling of ears bleeding was just an expression. The performance on Jay Leno Monday night was like hearing a symphony of cats in shear agony. The performance would have been groovy had you axed the dying badger hook. Had your boy Ye not acted a fool the night before, I am pretty sure that performance would have dropped the rating for the newly suck Jay Leno Show.

(Note to Leno: Get your desk back man, you look very awkward without it!)

CAUTION: Tylenol is recommended before viewing this clip

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WXIa4EUKPPQ

I am not hating on your product, because it is marketable. She connects to a diverse demographic and she is aesthetically appealing. The product is only good for few purposes though; looking good, setting trends, and if she wants to sing, singing club poppy music where vocals aren't really necessary. Every CEO has to advocate his product. I understand that you outwardly admitting that Rhianna is not a good singer, would be bad for business. To say that Rhianna can sing is like saying that Brittany Spears can sing; and we all know that nasally laments are not singing. Some of Rhianna music is just plain torture. I can imagine the government playing it to terrorist as a method to get information. 20 bucks say they will crack after 30 seconds of "Unfaithful".

It’s cool to believe in your product. For the sake of maintaining sanity, could you please regulate what it produces? Thanks

Pen Poetry I

2009-09-18T12:01:00.000-07:00

By Angelina Card

I knew a girl that felt hurt and anger all the time

She did not understand it nor could she explain it

Until she wrote it down

She made perfect vertical and horizontal lines on white space

She use her hands to represent her face

And the pen's sorrow created the contours of her life

As letters formulated into words the words became metaphors and verbs

And the more of them that appeared

the more the paper was saturated with her tears

The paper was soaked and the ink began to smear

And through chemistry the truth appeared

There was nothing perfect

No absolute thought to think

She saw this truth through scattered ink

Picture of my beautiful daughter Saulina at Hudson Lake.

Androgyny

2009-09-17T14:59:00.000-07:00

Androgyny

Throughout history, women have been portrayed as weaker. At 1 Peter 3:7 of the Christian bible, husbands are exhorted, "be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner" (vessel in some translation of this scripture). For centuries women have been idealized as weak and fragile. In the 21st Century, however, woman groups have revolted against this stigma and have strove to be strong and independent. I consider myself such a woman.

The Following are self-portraits personifying the concept of masculinity vs. femininity. I portray the emotional weakness of men that I have been subjected to. For some reason, I have been meeting men who are broken victims of their bad decisions. I met so many of them that I was convinced that God sent them to me to fix. After realizing my attempts were futile, I disconnect from them. The burden of their lack of motivation became too overwhelming. Instead of being the motivation, I turn into the crutch. Although I am strong, my will can not confront the everyday worries of life coupled with the lowliness of a man.

The portraits depict the masculine self leaning on the feminine self. Although physically stronger, he is mentally and emotionally weaker. Since women are typically smaller in frame, one can imagine how uncomfortable this would be. The masculine self burdens the feminine with his sorrow. Since he is leaning to her, his tears should fall upon her; but they don't. She rejects them. Rejection is the only power she has over him. The more she rejects him, the more he thirsts for her. He becomes unbearable.

The last two portraits, shows the aging of the feminine self. Although they are connected and are the same age, the masculine’s burdens aged her. The gray lines could be an indication of her wisdom, hence is reliance upon her.

GREAT AD - DOG FOR SALE :

2009-09-17T07:39:00.000-07:00

LMAO! This was sent to me in an email. The source is unknown however it is totally buzz worthy.

Thanks Jerry!

Disclaimer: This blogger takes no credit for the content below.

Even if you don't own a dog at present, you'll appreciate the efforts of this owner to sell her dog!

Read the sales pitch below...

Dog For Sale

Free to good home. Excellent guard dog.

Owner cannot afford to feed him anymore,

as there are no more drug pushers, thieves,

murderers, or molesters left in the

neighborhood for him to eat.

Most of them knew him as 'Holy Crap.'

Stupid Text of the Day...However Revealing....

2009-09-16T13:57:00.000-07:00

I just received a text stating:

"BREAKING NEWS...Kanye West just interrupted Patrick Swayze's funeral to let everyone know that Michael Jackson's death was better."

If this were true it would cause a media riot and spell disaster for the already hurt career of Kanye West. I hardly think that Kanye would take his boorish behavior to this height; at least I hope not.

As obnoxious as this text was, it was very revealing on how people perceive Kanye West after his little rant at the VMAs. It is one thing to be a media hungry, egotistical, pansy; however it is another to be a blatantly rude douche bag. Although he has recently apologized for the incident, the public is still outraged at his actions. I still hold to the notion that the VMA scandal of the year was a Kanspiracy. I am wondering how many people are circulating this text message.

Singer Kanye West grabs the microphone from singer Taylor Swift at the MTV Video Music Awards. He then protested that her award should have gone to Beyonce. (Jason DeCrow / Associated Press / September 13, 2009)

Jack Johnson for the Soul

2009-09-16T13:14:00.000-07:00

I have been on a high, a really good high. It is the kind of high that far surpasses cloud 9. For the last month or so I have been on a Jack Johnson trip. There is something about his music that makes love fun and beautiful. To me, love is like the boogie man hiding under my daughter's bed; scary! Love involves serious emotional risk. It is an investment that can produce satisfying gain, and/or devastating loses. For this reason, many, like me, are reluctant to fall under its power. Jack Johnson's music creates a world for me. When I am in the world, I am safe to love and be open. I can weaken and become woman in her most natural form.

His music is the soundtrack for moments I yearn for. When I hear a song like "Better Together", I picture myself enjoying a beautiful day at the zoo with a love interest. The sun beams on our love with approval; as the air cools just enough to merit his arm around my shoulders. He smiles at the privilege, as I blush with flattery. Suddenly, an escaped zebra runs by with its trainer frantically trailing. My love grabs me, to protect me from the madness. We laugh shyly as we are intertwined in this moment. All the while Jack Johnson is heard in my head singing, “It’s always better when we're together."

Jack Johnson's music is good for my soul. It reinforces the notion that love is beautiful; and that it is safe to fall. His music makes love fun and his songs create moments of endless happiness. Who would be opposed to spending a dismal rainy day, eating banana pancakes in loves bliss?

I love music that makes me feel warm and tingly inside. Jack Johnson’s music is my emotional decoder. All of the love-like feelings that are abstract by my mind’s will, becomes portraits, clear and defined.

I am cautiously optimistic that when love happens to me, it is going to be wonderful. Jack Johnson inclines my heart to extend a personal invitation to love. The more I listen to his music, the more open and happy I become.

The downside to this up is that when the music is off, I am cold again. My maximum security activates and my heart is concealed once more. Silence interrupts my Jack Johnson bliss. Perhaps I could sleep the silence away. Maybe I could set my alarm profile sound to a JJ song. This will allow me to wake up each day with a wonderful feeling.

My top 5 Favorite Jack Johnson songs:

1. Better Together - In Between Dreams Album

2. Angel - Sleep Through The Static Album

3. Banana Pancakes - In Between Dreams Album

4. Upside Down - Sing-A-Longs & Lullabies for… Album

5. Wasting Time - On and on Album

Disclaimer: Photo copied from surfrider.org. Click here to see picture feature.

P.S. Where are all the Jack Johnson's in the world? Just look at this man! He is sexy, ecowise, and he sings panty dropping songs. While scientist are cloning sheep, they need to be cloning sexy gods like JJ.

Sia "Soon We'll Be Found"

2009-09-15T10:00:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Chris for putting me on to this video. The song is amazing. What is capturing about this video is the artistic imagery. The video and song are both romantic and seductive. They explore the beauty of Sign Language. There are few music videos I consider buzz worthy. This one makes the mark. Listening to the song makes me want to go to Paris and discover love. Great song, Great video, I am offically a fan of Sia!

Want to know about this artist? Click here or here

Soon We'll Be Found

VMA Controversy or Conspiracy!

2009-09-14T13:13:00.000-07:00

Considering the pretentious nature of media hungry Kanye West; was last night blatant display of rudeness really a shock? We are talking about a man that thrives on controversy. I suspect, however, that Kanye in all is ridiculousness was a mere pun.

I consider myself a conspiracy theorist. When I first got wind of the West/Swift controversy, my first reaction was set-up. Although it would not be a shock that Kanye would be that obnoxious on his own accord, I suspect in this instance he had motivation.

Like many competing networks, MTV is a ratings succubus. Is it me or does the VMAs seem to have a scandal or controversy every year? Last year, comedian Russell Brand was scolded for making social and political jokes about Americans and their politics. He even took a crack at the Jonas Brothers trio. Surprisingly, MTV invited the Brit back for another stab at it.No doubt concerned that Brand would not deliver something scandle worthy, they had to have a back up plan.

The best way to get ratings is to have controversy. As social media becomes more liberal we have to face the reality that controversy is what sells. This notion would be suitable motivation for MTV possibly paying Kanye to create a little extra buzz in the media. Something so headline worthy that within hours it would be published all over the web. Brand didn't make the cut, but Plan B. Sure enough headlines of the MTV VMAs are all over the web. I thought it was interesting that mtv.com would list the West/Swift incident as a highlight. How could they think that the deliberate embarrassment of a fellow artist could be highlight worthy? Does MTV have any scruples at all? If this was the plot, I must say it was cunning and successful. People are either blogging and/or commenting about that ridiculous incident.

I have another theory though.

What if the BEEJAYYE click brewed up this controversy for their benefit? Its no secrete that Beyonce is losing public. Hell she had to give away tickets to her show just to fill up the Palace of Auburn Hills. Once you start that alter ego schizophrenic crap, your career is bound to suffer. Just ask Garth Brooks. I think Jay Z needed to do some damage control. Jay Z is smart and business savvy. I would not be the least bit surprised if he convinced his home boy Ye to stop kissing his fudge maker for a second and do something that would get his Queen some extra spot light time. It would have to be something that would allow her to be a hero. So Ye goes back to his hobbit home and ponders what to do. As he is pondering he turns on the radio and hears Taylor Swift "Love Story". He thinks to himself, "she is being nominated for "best video" against Bee. If Taylor Swift wins, I will rip her glory away from her in front of the entire world. Bee can then come on stage and try to undo what I did. Everyone will love her! I gotta tell Jay." Wasn't it odd that Beyonce' gets her award at the end of the show and both were conveniently wearing red dresses?

This could be a far fetched notion, but how far?

Kanye offered an apology to Swift in his blog saying:

“I feel like Ben Stiller in "Meet the Parents" when he messed up everything and Robert De Niro asked him to leave... That was Taylor's moment and I had no right in any way to take it from her. I am truly sorry.

My philosophy, if one chooses to do something so obviously rude and stupid, at least have the gull to own it. It is obvious that his actions were premeditated. Blogging an apology after embarrassing a reasonably good person in front of the entire world is what cowards do. What’s the matter Ye, you can shame people in person; but can’t own up to your actions in person? I suppose MTV and/or Jay didn’t pay him enough for that.

Last Night

2009-09-12T07:40:00.000-07:00

Last night was like a drunken dream
Words spoken are now a blur
I hope I didn't scare you
I Offered to prepare you
Although I can't remember things
I seem to catch the sense of what last night means
That I have felt more connected than ever before
I fear that some how I have fallen into artificial doors
Something calculated is just not right
I lost myself in you last night
A first encounter for us to speak
Left dreams ageless and my soul felt weak
If ever I was frightened to be hypnotized
its now, knowing that you have those eyes
And with those eyes you have to freedom to seek
Anything at anytime you want from me
But I have devised a plan to retrieve my weakest rights
Keep my will power strong and never look into your eyes
Because if I do I will fall away from what real
And when missions are complete what will we feel?
My fear is that you will be satisfied
And I will be left with shames tears in my eyes.
This is my plea to you; please look at today as new

And for us may we kill the night

And deviate from the notion of things that makes us right

I am afraid of you and pray you honor this

And allow me from fallen into an emotional abyss

Weakend by the thought of your love

And becoming attached to your intellectual sweetness

Equivalent to a drug

Banging Pugs for Money?

2009-09-11T10:15:00.000-07:00

I was watching Dr. Phil, whom I hate, about a year ago with my mother. He had a show on Sugar daddy and Sugar baby relationships. This is a casual relationship with mutual understanding. Urbandictionary.com defines a Sugar daddy as, "An older man who is able to gain a younger woman by having lots of cash and assets. The younger woman is known as a 'gold digger'. A sugar daddy is generally being used by the 'gold-digger' for his house, cars, clothes and money." This arrangement could apply to women as well. I believe Sugar mamas are referred to as "cougars" these days.

Mad props to Anna Nicole Smith (R.I.P.) and Hugh Hefner's new squeeze(s) Crystal Harris and twins Karissa and Kristina Shannon, for liking the feeling of loose skin against their bodies. Truthfully, if by some weird cosmic occurrence I become insecure and desperate with no belief in myself, I might be tempted to bang a pug as well. Wrinkles rock!

Side note: I didn't even know that original Playboy was still alive; until I heard he was filing for divorce from his estranged wife. My goodness that dude's circulatory system must be made of stone. This dude is handling 3 PYTs (Pretty Young Thangs) at 83 years of age; sheesh...pay homage to the king!

I love my sister, however her choice in Sugar daddies are a bit skewed. I mean if I were desperate enough to incline myself to engage in that type of relationship; I would at lease like for the feller to be reasonably attractive. I don't think I could sit across the dinner table looking at a man that looks like he has been soaking in vinegar and water in a science lab for the last twenty years.I had the displeasure of meeting two of my sister's sugar daddies. I had to restrain myself from laughing literally. The first dude comes to the door looking like Lieutenant Dan from Forrest Gump. He was in a wheel chair with no legs. Like Lt. Dan he lost them in the war. His hair was a greesy thin stringed grey color, that rested randomly on his shoulders. He looked like a dirt bag. I mean he dressed like a grunge rocker from an 8th world country (do those exist?). I had to pretend like I left something in the car in order to compose myself. I just kept thinking in my mind WTF is this? I mean how...why...ummm yeah.

The other dude had legs, but one foot in the grave. He was going to dialysis 4 times a week and he had a very unattractive skin disease. His eyes were cocked, and all I can say is that nature did him so wrong. I don't want to be insensitive to their infirmities, but good Lord! How could my sister bring her mind to exchange any kind of favors with these patients?I know times are hard; but are we that recessed? Social media vehicles are making it very easy for this type of arrangement to occur. Sites like sugardaddie.com and seekingarrangment.com (you're welcome if these were useful resources) makes linking to a Sugar daddie or baby easy.What is wrong with people?

Disclaimer: Photo was pulled offline and is not the work of this author. Photographer is unknown.

How to Save a Life

2009-09-11T10:10:00.000-07:00

The Fray

Disclaimer: Photo taken from http://www.thefray.com/

I am a huge fan of this group, however the photograph is not my own.

If Death took the same person every time, then perhaps there would be no need to fear it. Unfortunately, it takes a different person each time. It is troubling to think about, however; we are all subject to its thirst. Knowing that death is the inevitable end for us all, why is it that we have this compulsion to prolong it? We would rather suffer and/or see our loved ones suffer for one more living moment. A moment that is full of sorrow, pain, and even thoughtlessness. My intention is not to be insensitive. I only want to expose the adverse effects of prolonging the inevitable. These effects impact not only that patient and family, but also the care staff.

In a recent article published on nytimes.com, Theresa Brown, R.N. discusses the experience of a young, "charming, friendly, good-looking" man dying of cancer. She talks about the many treatments that the young man underwent to preserve his life. "He...had undergone an allogeneic stem cell transplant as the only chance of curing his cancer. He had many of the more severe complications that can occur with this treatment. A virus had turned his urine red with blood. His transplanted cells attacked his own body, leaving him temporarily blind and causing his skin to age unnaturally. His liver was slowly failing. He had almost constant diarrhea and for long periods got his only nutrition intravenously.For months he stayed on our floor, slowly getting worse. In the end he couldn’t live without constant transfusions. Every time he stood up he leaked blood. Then his mind started to fail, too.According to Brown, treatments persisted until finally the parents of the young man and all but one of the care staff said enough is enough. The young man died shortly after.

Can you imagine the pain that young man endured as his family and doctors tried to prolong his unavoidable death? Brown confessed that as a result of situations such as this, many nurses, "Yearn for more humane jobs." She even describes a mental condition that nurses cope with called, "morale distress." According to Brown's definition, morale distress is "the anxiety, fatigue and hopelessness that providers experience in the face of medically futile care. Yes, providers who are forced to continue care for patients who have no hope feel a level of anguish and guilt for inflicting pain or as one nurse put it, "torturing" the patient.

It is comforting to know, that when in the face of serious illness, that we have family, friends, and health care providers who are adamant about fighting for our life. But when that fight becomes a losing battle, we would hope that they would do the right thing and let the inevitable happen. This will save a lot of mental and physical pain, time, and money. Countless American families spend tens of thousands of dollars in hospital bills a year, trying to prolong the inevitable.

Brown further states in the article that situations such as this is the reason why "proponents of health care reform call for provisions that would encourage patients to talk about end-of-life treatment long before they get there."Think about the resources that were used to extend this patients life for just a short while longer. No doubt those resources could have been allocated to help a patient who had a fighting chance.Short and and simple, the best way to save a life is to allow the blinking light to die. Don't continue to tap it, because in the end, it will die anyways.

Brown R.N., Theresa. "Prolonging Death at the End of Life." New York Times Online. September 10, 2009

Tags: Prolonging, anxiety, death, inevitable, life, providers

Writing is My Psych Ward

2009-09-11T08:41:00.000-07:00

Writing is an outlet for me. At any given moment of the day, I could be inspired to write a story, poem, or song; based on what I am feeling at the time. Writing is fun because it allows my mind to construct a world that is all my own. In the event that someone likes the world that I have created, then I am happy to share it with them. I think the fact that I can express myself through writing and have my critics marvel, is strength. Just as I can see myself through the lyrics of Aaron Lewis, so too can my readers see themselves through my various forms of writing; in a sense this is absolution for me. I enjoy any form of writing manufactured from my own thoughts. I do not like writing other peoples thoughts; hence I would make a bad secretary taking dictation. I would always have this compulsive need to add my flare to the writing. I am a writer that happens to also be a control freak. I love the control that writing has; especially when dealing with a weak minded audience. The simplest statements laced with many fallacies can translate as fact to them.

I have been told that my writings are very dark and morbid. I suppose that is a reflection of what lies deep within. My mind systemically gravitates to darker energies; however at 26 years of age, I can hardly own up to these energies fully. There is a person inside trying to achieve light, and this has caused me to be disheartened at my past work and has incited me to move in a different direction.

My weakness as a writer is the innate need to keep the deep within where it is, and on the surface express the things I feel my audience is merited. All of the deeper writings I keep to myself. Writing is therapy. If I didn’t write; I believe I would be in a padded cell somewhere shaking like a child that has been neglected since infancy by its mother. I can expressed contentious emotions and even view points verbally; however when it comes to the deeper emotions within, my fingers becomes my lips, and speak the words that should never echo in the universe. Writing allows me to silently revolt against all systems of conformity. I can murder my enemies by giving them another name. I think the most satisfying advantage to that is that they can proof read their demise and critique their death I wish upon them and give me constructive feedback. It’s pretty neat.

My mentality tends to be complex and twisted; hence, this is what I typically write about when writing stories. I think it is my way of being (wo) man in her most natural form. Since I cannot go out and kill someone literally, I will just do it literarily. I create a murderous masterpiece and thereafter the chaos in my mind is at peace. Writing is my psych ward. It’s the only place where crazy and insane is ok. What I hate about writing is the pressure from scholarly experts to be perfect doing it. The infamous banned errors list designed to perfect imperfect people. If I decide to have my writing made perfect, I will just shoot it over to the perfect sticklers, and allow them to make it perfect. I believe they are called editors. Yes editors cost money and the turn over time is slow; but at least the end product would be polished.

Writing is my outlet. I enjoy all forms of writing. I like it best when I am the author and I decide what will be conveyed to my audience. I hate writing someone else’s thoughts. My strength as a writer is that I have the ability to translate my thoughts and feelings to others. My weakness is that I conceal the deeper parts of me and so my writings are not whole.

I have been told that blogging is a good way to improve my skills as a writer. I am hoping that you will become a frequent reader of my colorful thoughts. Your candid feedback and suggestions are welcomed.

Enjoy life and smile; life is too short for frowns.

Angie

Introduction to a Girl Interrupted

2009-09-11T08:00:00.000-07:00

According to my friends; I am a dark and morbid individual. I tend to gravitate to the darker things of life. For example, road kill fascinates me. I often wonder what the thoughts of the little animal were before its life was suddenly ended by a Good Year tire. Sometimes I look at their dead faces just to see what the expression is. Most of the time their eyes and mouth are wide open with shock. I dunno why that intrigues me so.

In my past time (whatever that means these days) I enjoy looking at autopsies and watching case studies on serial killers. I love psychology; I just don't feel it necessary to get a degree in the science. Everyone on this planet is a text book case. If people just sat back, closed the hole in their face, and pay attention; they would discover that we all could be a Dr. Phil. By the way, I hate Dr. Phil and his crappy no brainier advice. I hate his wife and her stupid no brainier advice, and I hate his son for all his stupid no brainier advice. I think they should have a show called the “No Brainier Advice Family.”

Since I am adopted I could say that this intense interest in morbid dark things could be attributed to my biological mom. She is a really dark poet. I think she might have started a trend. I have notice that my 4 years old daughter is intensely drawn to dark movies. She is a girly girl, but she seems to like the darker kid flicks like Nanny McPhee, Lemony Snicket, and Corps Bride. I have to confess that as of late, I have enjoyed those flicks too!

I am a dark writer. Very few of my writings have a chipper upbeat tone to them. I mean lets face it; life really does suck in my world. I have strong commitment issue. Committing to writing a blog is going to be very tough. .

I have to warn you that my thoughts are random. My blog will have no theme. I am being censored so I have to subject my freeness of speech to the conscious (CON SCIENCE) of others.

Welcome to the Interrupted Mind of Angelina Card!

Follow me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!